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Unequally yoked in marriage/or not

Unequally yoked in marriage/or not
Name: Torn
Add a little more detail (optional): Looking for biblical(or even personal) opinions on how far it is acceptable or wise to stretch for love in a perspective marriage. More specifically, assuming both individuals are saved and are in agreement on the basics of the faith how great is the importance in a marriage of significantly differing standards on things such as music, dress standards, bible versions and so on? I have had some married people tell me(even conservative ones) that such things are of considerably less importance than truly loving the person and that the person you marry today will not be the same person you married today in twenty years anyway and that every couple changes, grows together, and works things out step by step as they go along. Essentially the advice was that as long as both people are saved and agree on some very basic doctrinal points things like standards should not be allowed to take precedence over true love since people and standards change and true love does not. I am torn about the wisdom of that advice. Part of me would very much like that to be true and part of me is very concerned about the risk of doing something stupid due to love. Of course I realize in a sense this kind of thing must be a personal decision but I would appreciate some perspective from married Christians.


The passage concerning being unequally yoked is speaking of not being yoked with unbelievers. 

If both parties are truly saved, then there is no command against marriage.

One thing to consider though, is to make sure that one is truly saved.  Scripture says that if they preach any other Gospel than that which the Apostles preached, they are accursed.  One who brings or preaches another Gospel cannot be saved.

Many of the modern Bible version, subtly bring "another Gospel."  Many preach a Jesus whose mother was not a virgin, but rather a handmaid.  That Jesus who was not born of a virgin is the Jesus of "another Gospel."  Many modern Bibles present a Jesus who told lies.  That Jesus does not have the power to save anyone.  He is a Jesus of "another Gospel."

If either one is believing a modern Bible that presents a false Christ to the reader, that one cannot be saved and should not be considered as a possible spouse.

I agree-while biblical salvation is the most important aspect, the two should be in agreement doctrinally, or they will always be slightly unequal in their yoking. An ox and an ass can both pull a plow, but it doesn't work having them pull together, because they are unequal in size and strength.

  Bible version, dress standards, music, are all issues that some consider unimportant, yet these very issues can define and alter a church dramatically, so they can certainly harm a marriage when two are not one in them.


Of course, if the two are young, and saved, then there is room to grow together. But I'd say that some things should be surely considered: for instance, do you agree on the biblical head of the home being the man? That the man is the head and the woman is to follow him as such? If you are unequal here, of if you are equal, but on the wrong side, your marriage will always have problems and probably fail.


As far as standards, let me ask you: if you like your wife to be medestly dressed, but she thinks its okay to wear short and slit skirts that allow other men to see that which is for between you two only, is this something you'd like? You want other men oggling your wife because she thinks its okay to show skin? Or the other way, if your wife is modest, but you like to run around in shorts and tank-tops, should you be allowing others to see that which is for your wife? 


BY the way, I hope I am not wrong, but I am assuming you are male-if I'm incorrect, the same things apply, but just switch the husband/wife things.


By the way, there are no 'minor' doctrines of the Bible-they are ALL God's word, so who are we to decide some are important and some not?

Marriage is for the glory of the Lord.


 I have a book called God's Wisdom For Marriage and the Home written by a pastor that solidly represents God's Word.  Maybe this book would help you understand the emphasis God places on marriage and help you better come to terms with God's will for you in marriage.



These are all great answers, but the bottom line is God first and spouse second.  Saying that though, if your differences on doctrine cause problems, then the two of you should find a church that will pull your beliefs together.  I heard a deacon in my church say that he would believe the church constitution over the Bible.  WHOA!!!  You don't want to get to that point.  Start with the basics:  Jesus is the Son of God; born of the Virgin Mary; crucified, dead, and buried; the third day He arose from the grave/tomb; He ascended to the Father;  Jesus is the only way to Heaven and eternal life; repent/ask forgiveness of your sins; He suffered and died a cruel death so we could live free from sin;  we will still sin but He has made a way for us by confessing and repenting; the Bible is God's infallible Word that is the same today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow.  If it is in the Bible, believe it. He would not have put it in if He did not want you to know it. 
If the two of you can agree on all of this, then the other problems should be easily worked through.  Love is the key.  Love God first and your neighbor second.  Jesus did not suggest this, He commanded it.  God doesn't care if you go to a Baptist church or a Presbyterian as long as you are grounded in the basics.  Beware of false teaching.  A lot of so-called preachers will not make it to Heaven.  Too many are closed minded and as a result cause their flock to be as well.  If you and your spouse disagree on doctrine, I suggest studying the Bible first and visiting churches. 

I hope this helps. 

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