CauliflowerClown

Westboro gives all baptist a bad name. Why because when wittnessing to people and inviting them to your church the baptist church they heard about is Westboro and they are hateful indeed. They also don't believe in once saved always saved.

Christian is also my pr OB lem. I don't want to be called a christian because I know many who call themselves christian and i would never listen to, watch, wear, or go whre they do and i do not want others to lump me with them. I am a Biblisist.

Oh and kita I prayed all summer to have $ to spend a week alone with God and I found these Cabins  in Ohio that had no cable or internet and that is fine with me. But i just did not have $ for it. I will be in debt for life from all this. I won't say why cause if i tell the true people get mad but i hate debt and I did not do it. I get to pay for someone elses sin.

I miss church often too cause I wake and daughter is gone and son is at work and I have to stay with him cause he don't want to be alone. I'm home tonight and soon my church starts but I have to be home. Pray WBLW has another good message just for me cause I love my church and miss being there. We have new Pastor and he is a good man of God. Our church is growing again too. We just had mission conference and over $50,000 was raised for missions in our very small church.

I am not rebeling against God if I am still living here and still breathing the smoke. I don't feel it is rebeling against God to desire to live in smoke free home or desire to not be in hospital or be on steroids. that is what is bothering me about John's posts. He is assumming I'm not saved and i do have a testamony here i think) and I am rebeling against God.

John put a clothes pin over your nose so you can not breathe though it. Now put a coffee stirrer straw in your mouth and get all your air through it. How active can you be? Is it fun? You get just enough air to remain alive but hardly enough to move from point A to point B. That is asthma. My asthama comes slowly and my bronicle tubes constrict. In times i have suffered for days on end I also pray and tell Jesus that he want our yea yea and our nay nay lukewarmness makes him sick and I'm to that point now give me enough air to breate and move or take it all away.  I was born with Hyline Membrane  Disease and my left lung was collasped. I was supposed to die but did not but have had asthma all my life. I had my last attack 6-7 years ago. I was told then that I also had COPD. I have to wear a scarf over my face if temps dip below 27 degrees. In summer when humidity level are high I am very short winded and can only move slow and I have to try to not over exert myself cause it mean trouble with my asthma a trip to hospital 10 day on steroids. Sometmes in summer if humidity is high I have to call into work cause I am not getting enough air to do my j OB . 
       
 Let me tell you something else do you know how many times I had to explaine why I did this or that was because bible says for wife to sumit and OB ey their husband and then I am told  God did not call you to be a door mat. 
 
 There was other time i put my foot down and said no way not going to do it.  ( not to him but in my mind and I prayed for God to do something  just like I am doing now) That was when he wanted me to get an abortion. I would have aborted our only son.  Now this is my fear of having to go to hospital and be on steroids again and more lung function tests and then the drugs.  Not to mention more doctor bills.
 
 This remind me when I was bus captain and on Sunday morning I went to go pick up a 5 year old, shy girl that came on Sundays. I visited kids every Saturday too to see who would be coming on Sunday. This apprtment was alway smoky and had strong smell of smoke but that Sunday when I went to get her they invited me in like always and 4-5 adults were all smoking at the table while the little girl I went to get sat on the floor giving herself a breathing treatment.  Needless to say she wasn't going that Sunday cause her asthma flared up. I got to tell her maybe she could come next week and told her we would pray she feels better.  When I left it sicken me that they had a small child that had asthma and didn't have the brains to step outside on their balcony to smoke. I feel like that little girl no one cares. 
 
 There is nothing anyone can do here but if God really wanted me to stay around and breathe all the carcinogens and sacrifrice my health for the sake of my husband then why can't he a least make it smell better. Is this a join them if you can't beat them type of thing? I don't think so but I have to admitt that if i was a smoker myself it would not smell so bad.  
 
 I tried to find out the affects of pot on asthma and i kept finding sites pro weed saying pot was good for asthma. Really how can something with more carcinogens be good for asthma when t OB acco with less carcinogens are so bad for asthma? Don't sound right to me. Anyways I am living here I am breathing the second hand smoke and yes breathing difficulties are starting. I keep telling myself; so what, look how long it's been since your last one.  Even if I get hospitalized I'll be in a smokefree environment. So see I am also trying to encourage myself like David.   
 
     However I am also praying about selling some of my sick time at work.  This will be first time I ever did this. I am praying and asking before I fill out paper cause God knows whether I will need that time or not. God knows whether it would help or hender my taxes. Also I'm asking God if I can send it to IRS or one of the doctor bills, or can I go to Sam's Club and go hog wild in buying food.  Bible says not to be a surety for debt too.,  
 
 Elijah got depressed, Jeremiah was the crying Prophet I am not the only believer to feel so alone, and down. Oh a door mat is used to wipe dirt  off your shoes and they are dirty. I am breatheing second hand smoke and it is dirting my lungs so yes now I am a Door Mat.

It just feels like now I am say sin can abosolutely be in my house and I approve. As far as them defiling their bodies that's there choice forcing me to is not my choice. Smoke is smoke and if you are smoking in same area I am then I am breathing it too. I don't feel as tight as yesterday but my lungs should not feel tight at all in my home. I do want that big asthma attack that will have me wake in Jesus arms.  I am awake early I don't know why but I was in bedroom with door close sleeping and woke and the stench was strong. I pulled covers over my head and prayed andasked Jesus why does smoke have to come through closed doors. I tried to drift off the sleep but can't with covers over my head. Lift covers and stench is still very strong. I got up and asked is everyone in house smoking cause it is strong in my room. Bill smokes 2 -21/2 packs a day.  When they sat in gargage and smoke i would go out to talk to him but if he was smoking i didn't stay long. I could go in house now I feeling like leaving to get away from it. I juyst have no where to go and no $. If it was a nice sunny day my dog and i could at least go to the park. 
 
I living with it trying to be joyful but stench can cause me to leave.

The wierd thing about it is it seems it is legal in Michigan to use pot for medicine but illegal to posess it. Does that make you say "What?" does me.

I not sure smoking pot is, I know Bill is not legal. Our state I think now approves of medical pot but this is not medical it is street pot   It is not just him my son and daughter smoke too.  I allowed them to do it in the garage but now that is impossible for Bill. I told him that when they want to smoke and if it has to be them smoking with him then they can go outside and he can look out window at them smoking with him. He told me if they are smoking a joint that won't work.  I woke yesterday and took care of plastic container with a little bit of water in it and 2 different cigarette butts in it. Bill has small ash tray by his bed. His bed sheets and blankets are all new and he has one burn hole the size of a 50 cent piece and another about the size of a cigarrette end. He said he had an accident. We have no smoking signs on our front door and back door we have to have them there cause we have oxygen tanks in our house. I guess they don't have to be OB eyed though. i don't like it at all it stinks and yes if God wants my house to be a drug house then so be it. I'll stink for Jesus. Anyways I prayed and asked him why he helped me give up smoking years ago and now saying I have to breathe it and live with it. Thankfully Bill has not lit up since I got up so that is a praise. I go to work soon so he is pr OB ably waiting for me to leave so that is good. 

He's in hospice at home. he chooses to be here in our livingroom. Just me and daughter get his food, change his diaper, run to store to get what he wants, only my daughter runs and get his smokes too. My daughter and son are living here. I work 3rd shift.  I went to bed one day and woke to smelling cigarettes I came out and in livingroom my son and daughter were smoking with dear ole dad. I am out numbered here. I would like to just leave and they csan all smoke but sadly house is in my name only.

last time i talked to him about hope in Jesus and Heaven he told me he could not be that dellusional. My pastor has also talked to him and he says he want to believe but can't  cause it is not something he can make himself do.

Also the window have been covered with plastic and it not just cigarettes it pot too. I hate the smell. We open the door and furnance comes on.
 
 
The thing is I am asking Jesus for that real big asthma attack that will have me wake in his arms.  He always joked he did not have life insurance cause he wanted it to be a real tradgedy when he died. Many friends laughed at that I did not and I will be in debt for the rest of my life because of his handling of money.  just think wouldn't that be funny if his smoking caused me to has the altimate attack and I leave this world first before a man dying of cancer.

I am saved but still unequally yoked. Ever since we have had this home which is in my name I said no smoking in the house. He made the garage his man cave with TV stero and everything. Now he is bed ridden in the living room and he is smoking legal and illegal and I hate it and it stinks. Am I the one being disrespectful by not wanting a dying man to smoke in the house. Or is the he disrespecting me by smoking in house when he knows I've had asthma all my life? I feel I am being smoked out of my house but have no place to go.
 

Well I can commend he does spends time with his family and daughters but he is polluting their minds otherwise. I pray God haunts him with the blood of aborted babies.

This is a book written by a young Christian woman Amanda Barber. If you like Christian fiction This one is a good read and a page turner. I read it cause I know the author. Otherwise I don't read a lot of fiction. I like non fiction, and biographies.