Grace&Mercy

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  1. update: I was asked by the pastor on any development on her attitude; I was tempted to cover up for her (lie) which I already did the first time we have a meeting with the pastor because I want to give her a chance to change and do the right thing also to extend my hand in peace to start the year right. I was wrong to lie with our real situation as she did not change her ways with me, she is still rebellious & disrespectful in her actions though not verbal because we rarely talk and she deliberately do stuff to stress & offend me. upon confessing the real situation with the pastor, she was told by the pastor not to come anymore in the church until she make things right and make amends. Now she is blaming me for that and accused me of conniving against her telling me "you got your wish, happy now?" she told me that worship day is the only day she looks forward every week because that make her feel happy but now I ruined it, that's how she perceives it. I told her she has the wrong motivation coming she is just there for fellowship not to hear and apply the sermon in our life. she will abide, be silent and will not contest the decision of the pastor. She is afraid that the issue will be brought into the congregation IF she makes a noise. to be honest I'm very disheartened right now, it seems getting a new wife is really a good option coz it's easier to start anew than to bear my messed up relationship with my wife. So this it how it feels when you are in the same shoes of people who got divorce, sometimes I wish I did not knew what I know now…… ignorance is a bliss (double face palm)
  2. @ Jbbrack03my heartbreaks for you, it's never easy but God will get us thru. (Rom.8:28) doing God's command vs fulfilling the desire of our flesh is extremely difficult, sometimes it still hunts me and urges in me to be like "law abiding citizen" & "gone girl" but NO, that's an insult to God's sovereignty.
  3. this the bottomline why we have such problem, despite knowing the perfect will of God many of us (including me) chose to flirt with the permissive will of God in our lives He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. MATTHEW. 19:8 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. MALACHI 2:16 I don't believe divorce and re-marriage is a solution; especially when Christians are involved, I know how it is to have a seemingly impossible relationship but as a christian we are called to love (1cor. 13)
  4. truth hurts indeed, imho it's a good kind of offence and they brand MP's statement as hate & homophobic. political correctness is overrated it makes the society silent for the wrong reasons.
  5. after almost a year I am still alive by God's grace have not committed revenge as my flesh wanted me and sometimes I still feel the need to have it. honestly at first I thought I would die or at some point and I have wished for a natural death or my wife poisoning me would be best to ease my emotional pain. BUT God did not let it to happen. few things I realised or fortified my faith: 1. God is the only person I can trust & depend on, we cannot trust anyone because humans change and destined to fail us one way or another. Not my family, church and friends we even fail ourselves so NO ONE but God is to be trusted 2. It is very hard to follow God's will & commandments; I wrestle with my flesh everyday 3. This is my version of "torn in the flesh" to make me grounded and forever relying on God's grace. -I don't see my problem going away soon and Im in for a long ride 4. My (our) purpose in life is not to be "happy" or pursue happiness by world standards but to give glory, honour & power to my God & saviour Revelations 4:11 He is the potter and I am the clay being shaped according to His liking - I am being upgraded by God for His glory 5. I believe that somehow God gave me the privilege of peeking into His feelings every time we His people, His love, the redeemed betrays Him. I have a much better understanding how God is long-suffering because of my sins. just an update & thanks for all the prayers: We are still on the same house but sleeping on different room, my son is still unaware of the sensitive detail of our family problem, my son btw is now the top 1 on his class (section) for 3 consecutive grading now I hope till the final grading He will excel because currently he is 6th overall (entire grade 6). We are still going on the same church IBBC, I am now teaching bible study once a month and currently enrolled for a satellite bible school, My wife shies away from her ministry which is sad but at least she still attends church. Communication is minimal on my part it feels awkward now, I don't want to make stupid mistake or remark or react in a bad way when provoked by her which I feel she does overtime we speak. Financially huge change as well: before I used to give everything to her but now I asked her to share 50% on house rent and household bills but I still pay 100% for my sons education. I have forgiven her when we talked with our pastor to kick-off 2016. I will do my best never bring back her past offence. Now it's an everyday struggle to be with my wife, I feel unsecured around her the sting of her deed goes back every time she spat on my face on every occasion I tried to extend my hand for reconciliation or some simple act of kindness being ignored. there are times that satan is attacking; making me think how pathetic I am, a loser, a laughing stock., a victim etc. but God is still good to me and preserved my life thru all these. I would rather count my blessing and look how my God gave me a peek on His own dealings with his people. Still To God be the glory & He is truly a merciful God despite of our everyday sin and unreturned love.
  6. I'll better read Hosea; I hope the Holy Spirit reveals to me the true balance of christian living because life on earth is not 100% spiritual, we still eat and drink to be used by God. see how a christian soldier stationed on war zone obvoiusly can't turn the other cheek for sure; one reason Im looking for advise that is godly, relevant to my situation, applicable and timely. a drug dependent child will most likely be killed (under God's permissive will) if all his parents do night and day is pray for their child get over the addiction; but no appropriate action is taken no. If we saw someone currently trying to kill our child we don't pray first, we act immediately because that is what's needed - see practicality is not bad as long there must be a good balance between the two. prayer is has already been given so many times here (i appreciate it) and all of us knows that prayer works; and like missions that will not be successful without support from christians because missionaries eat and drink also they need shelter and all these requires money from christians to prosper. We don't just pray for our missionaries we support them all the way. by the way I'm not going to the authorities for this problem; thanks your for enlightenment and encouragement.
  7. I agree and I admit I'm on my spiritual lowest point now right now, my flesh is creeping for me to seek revenge, there's a constant battle in my mind, often Im confused and disoriented one reason I avoid sharing my thoughts on a personal level to fellow believers but worst case scenario: what if I saw them in the act defiling our bed in my own house…….I can't be angry? If I barged in our own room that would be rude and unchristian of me? should I just go to the other room to pray silently for both of them? or turn the other cheek by cooking and serving them breakfast on bed? or maybe ask the guy if he wants my daughter too? he already have my wife why not take my daughter too? and if I annoy you too much my gun is under the pillow just shot me if it will please you? church discipline: go to the pastor and pray without ceasing while they do the deed as often as they would like……..? I know that prayers is definitely important and vital BUT without proper action and handling of the matter is also a disservice to God and does not bode well for a christian testimony. evil for good right? yup I'm being sarcastic because I can't seem to get where is the balance and practical application for all of these mess on my life. Im searching how to balance my situation and apply (Matt. 10:16) and the rest of God's command in it's right context, please enlighten me on these applications. brother you being a more spiritual man than I am….what would you do if this has happened to you?
  8. where can I find online resource for soild Baptist reading material or semons? some label it baptist baptist baptist or 100% without other denomination influence not bapticostal, not baptist-adventist, not reformed baptist just "Baptist"
  9. what I wanted is to correct my wife ......if she won't listen to any reasonable, good, biblical counsel......then my last course of action is giving her the rightful punishment that might get her to realize her sin and repent of her evil ways. the motivation for seeking justice is correction......because right now she is using my love for her against me, I felt that somehow I have contributed into spoiling her by keeping her secret from the law. She makes me feel like I'm now her accomplice when I just wanted her to enlighten her so and avoid the consequence of her sin. she is like a child who will not learn her lesson unless she gets a disciplinary action. Im not really into this justice & punishment but her attitude & action is getting worst.....now Im leaning more that she really needs chastening get her back on track with God. For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth. Proverbs 3:12 Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:Job 5:17
  10. does seeking justice makes me carnal or wordily? I think not.
  11. there are so many kinds of baptist I'm encountering; reformed 3.5 4 4.5 & 5 point calvinist. From the "TULIP" I just can't comprehend and accept the concept of "limited atonement" on the Bible is was clearly stated Christ died for "ALL" some say "all" is not really all huh I don't get it? baptist = calvinist, I don't think so but it getting blurry please enlighten me on this any thoughts?
  12. the wife knows and was convincing me that I was all just rumors so she was pleading & crying for me over the phone "not to involve the authorities". the wife looks stuck to his philandering man and has no option but to stick it with him because their family is all dependent on his husband…….even appealing to my emotion and asking where will she and her 2 children going if ever they would lose their main provider? one of the many reasons I tarry on seeking justice because 2 families will be shattered……but they are making it really hard for me not to seek justice for their continued disrespect. I just can't believe how could they sleep well at night with all this? only God know how long I can last…..till I reach the point of no return
  13. going to the cops for legal action is also an option I'm pondering this as my last resort of action; I've extended my patience for 1/2 year now and…… they are still at it they are looking at my patience for them as weakness and they are using it to the greatest extent for their advantage; IF justice will be served to them, It will be because they did that to themselves and must face the consequence of breaking the law of the land; hopefully ALL of us will be learning from this. my wife must be thinking that I cannot do this to her, but now Im considering seriously because she is so effective in pushing the right button in me to really do this. btw the heathen guy is also a family man that has more to lose than me……I talked to him over the phone and he is so arrogant to say to me "talk to my lawyer instead" that's what I am contemplating now, it's like they are asking for it going to the police can also protect my interest and reinforce my right for custody of our son. btw I have no plan to remarry; even before my problem started my stand is consistent 1 woman only for me till she die. up to this day I believe that, God hate divorce so Im keeping my commitment not to divorce.
  14. thanks brother sure I will… I'm still not 100% sure about my wife I can't assess her intent clearly because she is always lying and high on pride atm; if she really wants to leave us there is nothing I could do but pray for our family to be stronger. can I ask you sir, did you re-marry? are you already a christian when the divorce happened? how could I lessen the hurtful impact of this on my son? should I tell him the truth now he's only 11 or later when he is mature enough? yes i have anger issues which is normal for humans to feel, I believe it will be one process or stage that I must pass thru, I can skip that anger part but by God's grace I will get over this and this anger it will not be with me forever. thanks for the godly reminder
  15. on the dot. plus she is desperate to keep her sin a secret and was even angry when told her that 2 people already knows (pastor / deacon) because she cannot be reasoned out; I have no plans to tell anyone but WE NEEDED HELP and she denies these facts. I don't know what goes into her mind these days but she knows already that she has lost her right for our son's custody and she is not likely to dispute that, unless she is ready to face the consequence of the harsh law of the land, she knows that I have the needed evidence to convict her and she tried once to steal those evidence from me by acting that we are on the process of healing and recovery…..that traitor grrrrrr my being naive almost cost me my son's custody. at first -she said to the driest sorry I ever got from her…….you can sense the lack of sincerity of it…….acting out waiting for me to lower my guard so she can strike that snake ….has the talent of pissing me off if given the chance she will leave me with nothing…..this is my perception of her now at home but I kicked her out of our room last April because I'm so offended that she having a always a good sleep as if everything is fine, while she treats me like $h17 as if Im the one that caused her the problems we have later on admitted to me that she has lost her love for me and was just to tell me the truth, told me she will stay for our son and I should not hope or expect anything from her; NOW I BELIEVE HER his tops all the pain when I thought that the discovery will be the most painful but she's not done yet - Im bracing for more she plans on leaving the house saying that she is not going to be with her lover; who believes that junk? (Im testing her) actually I'm the one who is asking her for to sign the legal separation letter I handed to her; stating that she is giving up all her rights to me regarding our son, it also clearly states that her adultery is the cause of the separation - until now she won't sign it maybe because she really wants to cover her tacks and look innocent to people around us right now we are on "silent war" we live in the same house but rarely talk, I'm really avoiding her because she always makes me upset good at hitting my nerves, I don't want to flare up again and say the cuss words to her ever. I want to talk o her but in front of a godly mediator just to set our boundaries and rules. now she's always late from work and I feel they are still together one night did not even come home to sleep; she is not even taking care (normal) our son now, she steals time from my son to spend with the guy (or I'm just bitter) I don't trust her words that she is not dating or sleeping around her action speaks louder than her words. I have seen her lie in my face w/o blinking an eye she could lie to anyone with a straight face especially when she has no clue that I got an evidence against her. how can you love this very unlovable wife? Im having a difficult time doing the Lord's command for my situation. no we are just an expat on a middle east country. We got saved from a mission work here.