C1769

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About C1769

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Are you IFB?
    Yes
  1. I don't deserve to live. I feel like a murderer but worse. Let me tell you all why. Im sure everybody here will hate me and tell me to leave. I was raised "christian" and went to baptist and non denomintional churches up until I was 12ish because my father had to start working Sundays. I never even understood the gospel, salvation was never explained to me. It was not until I was 14 that I really started thinking about religion and searched for the truth. After looking at all religions and demomintiona of "christianity" I found IFB websites and listened to real preaching. I found the Gospel, And I believed on Christ and was saved. But as a young teenager, I questioned if any of my family were ever saved. I have always struggled with anxiety/social anxiety issues, and I didn't think my parents would want or listen to their child telling them everything they believed was wrong. Im in my 20s now. I have never explicitly talked to my family members about salvation, but hearing from what my parents have said I think they might be saved. But my fathers family is Catholic, and my parents always told me to not talk about religion with people or else it would start arguments and ruin relationships. Last year my Catholic Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and I felt the urge to give her the gospel, but was terrified of being outcasted and screamed at by my catholic family members or herself for trying to change her religion at the last days of her life. Toward the end I actually got the courage to do it anyway, but she died before I could see her again. Now my whole life plan is ruined. How can I give the gospel to my grandfather when he asks how long I have known this and its partially my fault his dead wife is in hell. And the same for my parents who believe catholics can go to heaven. My family will hate me. This realization just sunk in yesterday and I feel so wicked and selfish that I don't want to live anymore. The fact that I didn't give her the gospel makes me doubt my own salvation because I feel like the Holy Ghost would have made me do it. Wicked as it would be I have even considered lying about how lonf I have been saved to them. l I feel like just leaving a note explaining this to my family members, and just dying so I can be in heaven. Im a horrible person for letting my own cowardly emotions stop someone from potentially being saved. Help.