allyoop89

Is God Forcing Me To Marry?

21 posts in this topic

I don't even know where to begin.  So, I'm 15, I'm a Christian and BTW, homeschooled :mellow: (I guess you can tell that I don't like being homeschooled, it's caused half the prOBlems I'm having currently..) Anyways... So last year this really ugly guy who looks like a 12 year old (and acts like one) who's really weird and nerdy and OBSESSED with harry Potter (that's another story) and dresses like a little kid too, started coming to my homeschool-group.  Well, I, needless to say, do NOT like him. But the other day I was praying to God inmyu quiet time and somehow got the thought that that boy is the one I'm going to marry. Ugh. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. I don't want to marry him. EVER. I'm only 15. WHy is God doing this to me? DO you think this is really God's will? Do you think He will let me choose if I want to or not or do I HAVE to. I have been absolutly miserable for days now and I need some advice. I don't want to marry someone like that. WIll God let me choose who I want to marry or is he forcing me to marry him? HELP ME. :bawling: Why would God do this to me?

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Just because you've had a thought while praying does not mean God put it there. God is not "doing this" to you.  You are young and you are reacting quite emotionally to your thought.  Just stop...take some deep breaths and know that God will never force something like this upon one of His children.  He loves you and wants only the best for you.  Rest assured that, as you mature emotionally, physically, and spiritually, God will lead you and when He does show you who He wants you to marry (if anyone) it will not make you want to throw up.

 

Based on just the little bit that you've shared, allyoop, I'm thinking that you need to surrender to the Lord in some areas.  I'm sorry you don't like being homeschooled, but that is the choice your parents have made...and you need to honor them by making the most of that and by allowing God to work in your life.  Quiet time with the Lord does not draw us closer to Him if we have resentment in our hearts.  ;)

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Just because you've had a thought while praying does not mean God put it there. God is not "doing this" to you.  You are young and you are reacting quite emotionally to your thought.  Just stop...take some deep breaths and know that God will never force something like this upon one of His children.  He loves you and wants only the best for you.  Rest assured that, as you mature emotionally, physically, and spiritually, God will lead you and when He does show you who He wants you to marry (if anyone) it will not make you want to throw up.

 

Based on just the little bit that you've shared, allyoop, I'm thinking that you need to surrender to the Lord in some areas.  I'm sorry you don't like being homeschooled, but that is the choice your parents have made...and you need to honor them by making the most of that and by allowing God to work in your life.  Quiet time with the Lord does not draw us closer to Him if we have resentment in our hearts.  ;)

 

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:1 & 2:

1 Children, OBey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)

 

My oldest hated being homeschooled and gave us endless grief throughout his High school years. Then he went into the Navy and four weeks into boot camp, after he saw and heard the results from all his peers that were public schooled, he called us up and in tears said, “Mom and Dad, I am so glad you did what you did”. I’ll never forget that call. After serving 4 successful years in the Navy he is now applying his G.I. Bill to a college education in Chemistry and has just finished his Sophomore year having straight As throughout.

 

Trust your parents, and make the best of the situation you are in. You will never be happy or comfortable kicking against the pricks. (Acts 9:5).

 

But the other day I was praying to God inmyu quiet time and somehow got the thought that that boy is the one I'm going to marry.

 

The key part of this phrase to me was that you "got the thought". God's thoughts are not our thoughts:

 

Isaiah 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

Just because you happen to be praying at the time does not mean every thought that pops into your head is from God. Personally I think Satan is even more active when we are in prayer as he hates when we fellowship or get close with God. What LuAnne said above is very practical and wise advice. At 15 you shouldn't even be concerned about marriage, with the possible exception of endeavoring to make yourself the best possible help meet you can be for the man God eventually chooses for you (if that is His intent). Let God worry about the match making.

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Just because you've had a thought while praying does not mean God put it there. God is not "doing this" to you.  You are young and you are reacting quite emotionally to your thought.  Just stop...take some deep breaths and know that God will never force something like this upon one of His children.  He loves you and wants only the best for you.  Rest assured that, as you mature emotionally, physically, and spiritually, God will lead you and when He does show you who He wants you to marry (if anyone) it will not make you want to throw up.

 

Based on just the little bit that you've shared, allyoop, I'm thinking that you need to surrender to the Lord in some areas.  I'm sorry you don't like being homeschooled, but that is the choice your parents have made...and you need to honor them by making the most of that and by allowing God to work in your life.  Quiet time with the Lord does not draw us closer to Him if we have resentment in our hearts.  ;)

 

:goodpost:

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Marriage is a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His bride the church. God never ever forced anyone to get married. He leaves the choice soley up to you. But God's Word does give us specific guidelines to follow when making the decision to marry or not to marry.

 

I Corinthians 7:27-39

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hey that happened to me and it was a shock.  So I told the Lord hey this lady doesn't even like me.  so I threw it back into his hands and said.  If she is the one you want me to marry then you have to change her heart.

 

10 months later while on a short term mission outreach.  She insisted on talking to me and it turned out God was speaking to her about me.  And for some reason I said all the things she wanted to hear.  A year and a half later we were married and have been for 16 years, the mother of my only three children.

 

Requirements for marriage is that he is a Christian.  A Harry Potter fan doesn't sound like a Christian to me.  Not all home schoolers are Christians some are secular libertarians.

Edited by AVBibleBeliever
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Maybe God is wanting you to share your faith with him. You are OBviously having thoughts about this person. Most of the time throughout my life when God puts someone on my mind it's to either pray for them or witness to them.

 

Give him the gospel. Besides we're all ugly and nerdy and sinful until Christ has come into our heart. Let God change his life through you.

 

God Bless and let us know how it goes.

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Speaking on marriage, is there anytime when it is wrong for someone to make the decision not to marry simply because it is not their desire to? I am 38, and have never had the desire to marry. However, my pastor seems to imply often that everyone should desire to marry.

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Speaking on marriage, is there anytime when it is wrong for someone to make the decision not to marry simply because it is not their desire to? I am 38, and have never had the desire to marry. However, my pastor seems to imply often that everyone should desire to marry.

The Bible tells us that it is good for man to marry - but it does not state that it is required.  

 

"Delight thyself also in the LORD and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."  As you walk with God, He will put the desires into your heart that He wants you to have.  If you are open to the idea of marriage if it's what God wants you to do, He will show you what to do - either way.

 

I think 1 Cor. 7 is pretty clear on the matter...marriage is not a command for anyone.

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Speaking on marriage, is there anytime when it is wrong for someone to make the decision not to marry simply because it is not their desire to? I am 38, and have never had the desire to marry. However, my pastor seems to imply often that everyone should desire to marry.

 

MK, I'm in exactly the same place as you and I think I've asked that question before on here and the consensus has been no not sinful.

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The closest I can come to finding that God wants us to marry is in the first couple chapters of the Bible.

For man, there was no helpmeet. And God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make him an helpmeet. For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave to a wife.

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Maybe God is wanting you to share your faith with him. You are OBviously having thoughts about this person. Most of the time throughout my life when God puts someone on my mind it's to either pray for them or witness to them.

 

Give him the gospel. Besides we're all ugly and nerdy and sinful until Christ has come into our heart. Let God change his life through you.

 

God Bless and let us know how it goes.

I agree with that

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1 Corinthians 7:7-9

 

Paul was not married. He says it is good to stay that way if you can.

In verse 32 Paul seems to imply that the unmarried can be more focused on the Lord.

(Please pardon the wording of that last statement fellow married faithful. I didn't know another way to put it). 

I can understand that somewhat from a married point of view.

As an unmarried you don't have to worry about your spouse, kids, housing, or parents (in-laws)

This frees you from lots of responsibility that could cause you to spend your life working to keep them happy.

 

Anyway, there is no demand or command to marry like HC said earlier.

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The closest I can come to finding that God wants us to marry is in the first couple chapters of the Bible.

For man, there was no helpmeet. And God said, it is not good for man to be alone. I will make him an helpmeet. For this cause shall a man leave his mother and father and cleave to a wife.

There is no such thing as "helpmeet", and you have misrepresented the Scripture, here (prOBably not on purpose).

Gen 2:20
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.


1.' Help' and 'meet' are separate words.
2. 'Help' is acting as a noun.
It is modified by the indefinite article adjective : 'an' , and the adjective :'meet' .
3. In English, the compound word would be properly expressed as : 'meethelp', with the adjective placed in front of the noun, as in :"bridegroom".

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Haven't misprepresented God's Word at all.  I simply did not put a space between the two words.  It is still the same message.  God said man needs someone like himself in that passage.  And who did God create for him to be a help meet?  Another animal?  No.  Another man? No.  A Woman. 

And God said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto a wife... for what cause?  To find a helpmeet.  Why?  Because it is not good for him to be alone.

Sorry prophet1, no misrepresentation on my part at all.

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It is true that Paul was not married at the time of writing his first epistle to the Church at Corinth.  However, having been a Pharisee, tradition holds that Paul had to have been married at one point in his life prior to the Damascus Road Conversion Experience.  Jewish tradition says that the Pharisees were married.

More than likely, at the time of writing the epistle to Corinth, Paul was either divorced or widowed.

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Haven't misprepresented God's Word at all. I simply did not put a space between the two words. It is still the same message. God said man needs someone like himself in that passage. And who did God create for him to be a help meet? Another animal? No. Another man? No. A Woman. And God said for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto a wife... for what cause? To find a helpmeet. Why? Because it is not good for him to be alone. Sorry prophet1, no misrepresentation on my part at all.
You are going to pretend that there isn't a whole system of false doctrine on the home, launched from this misrepresentation, wildly popular among us IFB, from the likes of Pearl? You have made 'help' an adj., and 'meet' a noun, by your re- positioning of God's Words. This is, by definition, a misrepresentation. The Oracle of God is not ours to play with. Edited by prophet1

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Genesis 2:18   And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:20   And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

 

"help meet"

 

My two cents... "an help" with "help" a noun. The word "meet" is an adjective describing the noun "help." Webster's 1828...

 

meet

MEET, a. [L. convenio.] Fit; suitable; proper; qualified; convenient; adapted, as to a use or purpose.

 

  Ye shall pass over armed before your brethren, the children of Israel, all that are meet for the war. Deut.3.

 

  It was meet that we should make merry--Luke 15.

 

  Bring forth fruits meet for repentance. Matt.3.

MEET, v.t. pret. and pp. met. [Gr. with.]

 

1. To come together, approaching in opposite or different directions; to come face to face; as, to meet a man in the road.

 

  His daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances. Judges 11.

 

2. To come together in any place; as, we met many strangers at the levee.

 

3. To come together in hostility; to encounter. The armies met on the plains of Pharsalia.

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it is not likely that this thought came from God.  Satan is a deceiver and he will try to imitate how God operates to fool us and mislead us.  The mere fact you are so upset is a pretty clear indication that this did not come from God.  As someone else pointed out, if this kid is into Harry Potter then he prOBably isn't even Christian so definitely not someone God would want you involved with.  However, your concern brings up an important topic.  How do we know who God wants us to marry?  I can't tell you how many couples I have met in my lifetime who seemed very mismatched and, OBviously, unhappy in their marriages.  One spouse is sold out to God and wanting to be in ministry and the other doesn't want to be committed to attending church more than Sunday mornings.  Once you are married, though, you have to make it work because it is "till death do you part."  So it is important that you sit down and decide what kind of man God wants you to marry before you ever get involved with someone, and you measure that man against those biblical standards before ever agreeing to go on a first date.  OBviously he would have to be a Christian, but even as Christians we can be "unequally yoked."   I know a good Christian man who got involved with a woman who was a "Christian" and after years of marriage she drifted away from God and eventually left him.  Even though she was a Christian, she was not on the same spiritual maturity level that he was, nor did she have the same spiritual interests. Their entire marriage they were mismatched and the gulf just continued to grow.  Not everyone who claims to be Christian actually is.  I determined as a young teen that it wasn't enough to just date Christian men.  I looked around my church and saw a vast difference between the Christian families.  Some were dedicated and never missed any church event, others came only on Sunday morning.  My family was there every time the church doors were open, so I determined that whatever man I considered dating had to have displayed the same kind of dedication.  I felt a call to ministry on my life, so I knew that any man I dated would have to also feel a call to ministry on his life and that our calls had to be compatible.  At Bible college it was easy to get to know people in casual settings really well so it was easy for me to OBserve guys and how they lived and know whether or not I would ever even consider going on a first date with them.  Outside a campus setting, it is more difficult.  But going to group events and talking to people who know a guy really well before considering dating is the way to go.  First, though, you need to sit down and make up your list of qualifications, and keep them biblical, not personal preferences.  I have to tell you that my husband does not meet most of the personal qualifications I was looking for (such as being romantic) but he does meet the biblical qualification that the Lord gave me and my hubby has turned out to be a perfect fit for me.  At times we can get in our own way and mess ourselves up.  So, keep your qualifications biblical to help you filter out those to not even bother with and leave the rest up to God.

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