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Agreement/disagreement With The Pastor


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#1 GraceSaved

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 01:47 AM

What if you agree with most of the teachings from the pastor of your church but disagree on a few topics? Should one agree to disagree to keep unity? Should one eat the watermelon and spit out the seeds? Is it time to find a new church? Does anyone else have experiences of this nature? If so, how do you deal with it?

#2 Standing Firm In Christ

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 04:04 AM

What if you agree with most of the teachings from the pastor of your church but disagree on a few topics? Should one agree to disagree to keep unity? Should one eat the watermelon and spit out the seeds? Is it time to find a new church? Does anyone else have experiences of this nature? If so, how do you deal with it?

Challenge the pastor.



#3 Covenanter

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 05:23 AM

We all disagree with each other. Are there opportunities for discussion, where you can highlight the relevant Scriptures? Not confrontational.

#4 paid4

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 07:00 AM

First of all study the issue that you have a problem with.

Second go to him and him alone. Matthey 18:15

If he is a real pastor then he will have no problem discussing with you the difference of opinion. Whatever the case, use scripture and only scripture as your guide.

Third do all of this with a restoring/growing attitude. Don't accuse the pastor (1 Timothy 5:19) of doing wrong, rather have him show you with scripture why he believes what he believes.

 

Most importantly be in much prayer daily and be very patient. Way too many "church" decisions are made on the spur of the moment giving heed to the devil and lying spirits oftentimes. Never make a spiritual decision in the flesh. That's to say don't let feelings rule over discernment.

 

Keep these things in mind and keep a pure heart and God will lead you in what to do. Always remember that the only one you both will ever have to answer to is God himself. Hebrews 13:17 and Romans 14:11-12

 

I'm going through some of the same stuff you are right now. Praying for you for sure!!



#5 John81

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 07:18 AM

It really depends upon what we believe the pastor to be in the wrong about. Is he wrong about the color he wants the church to be painted or is he wrong about his presentation of the Gospel?

 

I've never met a pastor I was in 100% agreement with but the two pastors I had for the longest I was in very high agreement with and on the matters where I would have a disagreement they were not key matters of doctrine or anything like that.

 

The one pastor I did have which I had an important disagreement with I spoke to privately and got nowhere. There were two others in the church who had the same issue, both had spoken to the pastor to no effect either. We approached the pastor together and told him we would like to discuss the issue with him. The pastor agreed, made an appointment, we met, shared our concerns (with applicable Scripture) and the pastor sat there mostly in silence as we talked. When we finished the pastor made it very clear to us that he was running the church, he wasn't about to change things back or stop what he was doing and if we didn't like it we could leave. Then he stood up, said he wouldn't talk about it anymore and showed us the door. We left and went church hunting.

 

So, if the disagreement is over a matter of real importance, ask to speak with the pastor about it. If the disagreement is over a matter of lesser importance, consider the matter very carefully and prayerfully as to whether it's worth bringing up or not. In both cases, be in much prayer, follow the Lord's leading.



#6 heartstrings

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 07:55 AM

What are the topics of disagreement?



#7 Ukulelemike

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 08:12 AM

I agree with John81 and Paid4 in this-the pastor should be approached, but respectfully, not just because he's "PASTOR", but because he is a fellos believer and sheep, and should be approached the same way we would approach anyone in such a matter.

 

I also agree that we should first study it out well, if it is a doctrinal issue, and be sure of our own spiritual footing, as well. Then, once prepared, make that appointment with the pastor, or really, whatever leader in the church it might be, and sit and talk it over with Bibles open, peacefully and prayerfully. He may have something very compelling that you have not considered, and you may just end up a changed man; or, you may have somethig HE hasn't considered, because none of us are perfect, and he may change. Or, as said above, you may come to completely different places at the end.

 

At this point, should you continue to disagree, its time to consider if its somethig worth separating over or not. All doctrine is important, but all is not worth separating over. Time to pray and make a decision: can it be accepted and we can get on for the good of everything else, or is it so serious its going to effect my usefulness and my spirit, and I need to go.

 

Or consider this, as well: Is it a minor issue, but I'm clearly taking it too hard and maybe I need to go so I don't hurt the church? One CAn be right about doctrine, but still get in the flesh over how its handled, including pastors. What will benefit the church-let all things be done for edifying the church.



#8 2bLikeJesus

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 09:04 AM

I am blessed with a very good (teaching style) pastor that provides exhaustive scripture proofs for any doctrinal issue he takes.  I do remember I had one initial disagreement with my Pastor when I first joined 13 years ago, and that was in the area of whether communion should be "open, closed, or close", and I went to him for an explanation on his stand.  The church I came from practiced "closed" communion meaning no one outside of our church membership was allowed to participate in communion.  My current Pastor (and I agree with his scriptural basis) practices "close" communion, meaning the person does not have to be a member of our church, but must have a testimony of salvation, and according to the scriptures, strong admonition and warning is given concerning taking the Lords supper "unworthily" and the dire consequences for those that do.  Ample time at the altar is given before communion for those to make sure there are no un-confessed or dealt with issues that would make you unworthy.

 

My pastor continually encourages anyone in the congregation to study out a doctrinal issue and if they can demonstrate with scripture a perceived error  to see him.

 

The topic of Open, Closed, and Close communion might make for an interesting thread topic since I have found that opinions on this can vary within IFB churches.  

 

Bro. Garry



#9 "I am chief"

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 09:13 AM

PRAY for your pastors every day. Hold them up before the Lord for protection and keeping them from compromise & error; for God to grant your pastor Holy Spirit guidance, health, safety, provision, messages & lesson preparation, and anything else you may believe they need. Then when something appears out of God's will, PRAY and STUDY God's word, ask God for discernment and wisdom. If God has not given you an answer seek out brothers or sisters and PRAY together and discuss the concern (NOT THE MAN); just speak to the issue of God's word which you may believe at odds with Christian practice. Paul exhorts us to "live peaceably" (Ro. 12:18) and this includes with your pastor. When this is exhausted and you have no peace yet then follow the guidance of scripture PRAY and schedule the meeting. Did I mention to PRAY and study God's word?



#10 Kitagrl

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 09:33 AM

Really only you can answer that. If it just bugs you that he doesn't agree with you on all points, then maybe you need to get past that and realize he is otherwise a good man. However if it is something doctrinal or a major standard that you feel affects you or your family in a way you are not comfortable, then of course talk to the pastor about it privately...if it cannot be resolved, quietly leave.

Whatever you do, don't sow discord/talk to others about it. I have seen firsthand God isn't pleased with this and it would not go well for you.

Best of luck with it.

#11 GraceSaved

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 11:15 AM

I thank everyone for the replies, shared stories and advice. To go a little deeper, the topic of concern for me is the security of the believer. I don't know if anyone that replied read an earlier post I made about how to find a church. Well, I found one. I really wasn't looking at this moment but had read an article online while I was doing my Bible study and at the end of the article it said to click here if you are looking for a church in your area. I clicked on it and the name and location of the church came up. I went on their page to read their statement of faith but there was little, or not enough info there for me to decide what they believed as a whole. I wanted to learn more, so I made a list of questions, made the call and spoke with the pastor. He was very gracious, patient and willing to take the time to discuss matters of importance to me and then basically thanked me for asking hard questions and doing my research of scripture. I was satisfied with the answers and scriptures he gave me and pretty much agreed with him. I started going to the church but then remembered something I forgot to ask and that was the security of the believer. I went to him alone and addressed him after the service and he told me he believes a Christian can fall from grace but it was something we would have to discuss in depth and too hard to give me a definitive answer in that moment. He said he would be happy to have himself and his wife go over it with me in greater detail if I wanted to get together with them. The reason this is so important to me is I have been in churches that teach you can lose salvation if you don't do this or that. I can't do that again. That is a miserable condition for a Christian to be in when you feel you have to constantly question your salvation.

I think I will prepare, pray and make the appointment, which leads me to my next question. As a woman, is this proper action to take if women are not to teach men or does that only refer to women who disrupt the church? I recall Acts 18:26 so I believe I am within my right, although my husband will not be with me at this appointment.

#12 GraceSaved

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 11:32 AM

P.S. I would like to reiterate my above statement. My goal is not to teach anyone but to discuss and determine in my own mind what I believe scripture has to say on this topic. Also, I do not wish, at anytime, for myself or my children to be taught otherwise if this topic comes up in some later sermon.

#13 heartstrings

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 11:34 AM

I thank everyone for the replies, shared stories and advice. To go a little deeper, the topic of concern for me is the security of the believer. I don't know if anyone that replied read an earlier post I made about how to find a church. Well, I found one. I really wasn't looking at this moment but had read an article online while I was doing my Bible study and at the end of the article it said to click here if you are looking for a church in your area. I clicked on it and the name and location of the church came up. I went on their page to read their statement of faith but there was little, or not enough info there for me to decide what they believed as a whole. I wanted to learn more, so I made a list of questions, made the call and spoke with the pastor. He was very gracious, patient and willing to take the time to discuss matters of importance to me and then basically thanked me for asking hard questions and doing my research of scripture. I was satisfied with the answers and scriptures he gave me and pretty much agreed with him. I started going to the church but then remembered something I forgot to ask and that was the security of the believer. I went to him alone and addressed him after the service and he told me he believes a Christian can fall from grace but it was something we would have to discuss in depth and too hard to give me a definitive answer in that moment. He said he would be happy to have himself and his wife go over it with me in greater detail if I wanted to get together with them. The reason this is so important to me is I have been in churches that teach you can lose salvation if you don't do this or that. I can't do that again. That is a miserable condition for a Christian to be in when you feel you have to constantly question your salvation.

I think I will prepare, pray and make the appointment, which leads me to my next question. As a woman, is this proper action to take if women are not to teach men or does that only refer to women who disrupt the church? I recall Acts 18:26 so I believe I am within my right, although my husband will not be with me at this appointment.

I see red flags going up.  From my experience, people who do not believe in ''once saved-always saved'' do not change their beliefs on that unless God does a mighty work in their hearts. I know many folks like this and though they are sweet people, the doctrine they hold to is deadly. I wouldn't discuss it but would respectfully leave. When a person gets truly born again, they are a possessor of everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation, ever.....it's a done deal, end of story. and when Jesus says ''depart from me'' He will not say to the lost; '' I knew you once but don't anymore',

 

John 5:24 says....

Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.


Edited by heartstrings, 14 August 2014 - 11:35 AM.


#14 GraceSaved

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 11:50 AM

Heartstrings: I absolutely agree. I don't believe God offers us a "gift" and then decides to take it away if we are not in compliance with all things at all times. I am so discouraged right now I feel it in my bones and my gut. I just want to belong somewhere and fellowship.

#15 Standing Firm In Christ

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 12:02 PM

I fear for such church assemblies. They serve and worship a god of empty promises, a god whose word is not to be trusted.

#16 heartstrings

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 12:11 PM

I'm in a similar situation now. My present pastor does not use the King James and I feel much the same way. Even though it's much consolation thar my pastor believes in eternal security and isn't a Calvinist, the Southern Baptist dress codes, music, and the use of the per-versions has been getting to me for a long time.



#17 GraceSaved

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 12:16 PM

Can I ask a question to those on here that may read this that hold or have held a pastoral position? How do you feel about members leaving your church and then coming back? How do you go back to a church you've left? Just start showing up again with no explanation of the absence? I feel all this bouncing around from church to church is not a good example to my children, even though I am sincerely trying to settle somewhere. I am considering going back where I used to attend because all this searching is making me think perhaps I should have stayed where I was.

#18 GraceSaved

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 12:21 PM

I can't use the quote button for some reason.

Heartstrings: This seems to be a common issue arising for many that are not happy in their assemblies or not getting what they need. It's very disheartening.

#19 HappyChristian

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 12:22 PM

I have to agree with Uke, GS. I wouldn't meet with him about it (not because you're a woman, but because you know what scripture teaches and he will simply try to sway your beliefs to fit his).  Just quietly leave. 



#20 DaveW

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Posted 14 August 2014 - 05:19 PM

It could be be a misunderstanding of terms - I have met some who use term "fall from grace" to refer to our fellowship with Christ, not our relationship with Christ. Personally I think this is a wrong use of terms, and potentially confusing.

I have no problem with the thought of meeting to clarify such issues.
I would suggest that both you and your husband go though.

As far as leaving and returning, without knowing the situation, I would suggest that you speak to the pastor about your reasons. That assumes he is approachable of course.
By doing so, you might expose to him an area that he can work on and thereby that ministry can become more honouring to the Lord.




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