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Thinking about suicide please help

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I don't deserve to live. I feel like a murderer but worse. Let me tell you all why. Im sure everybody here will hate me and tell me to leave. I was raised "christian" and went to baptist and non denomintional churches up until I was 12ish because my father had to start working Sundays. I never even understood the gospel, salvation was never explained to me. It was not until I was 14 that I really started thinking about religion and searched for the truth. After looking at all religions and demomintiona of "christianity" I found IFB websites and listened to real preaching. I found the Gospel, And I believed on Christ and was saved. But as a young teenager, I questioned if any of my family were ever saved. I have always struggled with anxiety/social anxiety issues, and I didn't think my parents would want or listen to their child telling them everything they believed was wrong. Im in my 20s now. I have never explicitly talked to my family members about salvation, but hearing from what my parents have said I think they might be saved. But my fathers family is Catholic, and my parents always told me to not talk about religion with people or else it would start arguments and ruin relationships. Last year my Catholic Grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and I felt the urge to give her the gospel, but was terrified of being outcasted and screamed at by my catholic family members or herself for trying to change her religion at the last days of her life. Toward the end I actually got the courage to do it anyway, but she died before I could see her again. Now my whole life plan is ruined. How can I give the gospel to my grandfather when he asks how long I have known this and its partially my fault his dead wife is in hell. And the same for my parents who believe catholics can go to heaven. My family will hate me. This realization just sunk in yesterday and I feel so wicked and selfish that I don't want to live anymore. The fact that I didn't give her the gospel makes me doubt my own salvation because I feel like the Holy Ghost would have made me do it. Wicked as it would be I have even considered lying about how lonf I have been saved to them. l I feel like just leaving a note explaining this to my family members, and just dying so I can be in heaven. Im a horrible person for letting my own cowardly emotions stop someone from potentially being saved. Help.

Edited by C1769

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None of us deserve to live.  We've all gone astray and broken every one of the Ten Commandments.  But Glory to God, through the grace of Jesus Christ we might be saved through repentance and faith and made righteous through his shed blood, not by our works!


The bible says they will hate you and that the gospel will divide families.  There are those who will follow after the Lord and those who will follow after man.  Count their persecutions as a blessing the bible says!

I too, have had many lost friends and family members head into eternity, eternally separated from God because they rejected the Good News, most of them Catholics.  It may be true that we ignored the calling of the Holy Ghost to witness to a lost loved one and then they died.  You can be sure however, that most of them had heard the Gospel before and rejected it.  Our job is to plant and water, the Holy Spirit brings forth the increase.

These are devilish people who tell you to keep your religion and beliefs to yourself.  The bible says that any man who is ashamed of me (Jesus) and his words (the Bible), he too will be ashamed of him!  Boldly proclaim your faith and the Good News young man!  Know that you have the power of the Holy Ghost to witness to the lost and withstand those demons that may possess your friends and family.  There is a very real spiritual warfare going on out there.

If you're saved according to the scriptures you need to make a public profession of faith by getting baptized according to the scriptures.  You do that by uniting with a sound New Testament Church and attend services faithfully (your Daddy trusted in himself and not God when he went to work on Sundays) and get properly discipled.  Only then can you really grow in grace which will strengthen your resolve for soul-winning.

Suicide is the second most selfish act a person can participate in.  It is obviously a sin as we do not have permission to end our lives.  Check your meds if you take any; they can give you these crazy thoughts and emotions, yes, even for a Christian.

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Please do not kill yourself.  Even though you will go to Heaven, you will lose any & all rewards, and worst of all, you will be there knowing, eternally, that you took the easy, shameful way out. Think of what it will be like to KNOW how much pain you will cause your family if you kill yourself, and maybe those that would have gotten saved if you were around to give them the Gospel.  What if your family hardened their heart to God because of you committing suicide?  Would you want to be the reason?

You must stop blaming yourself for your Grandmother. I know a hospital chaplain who is also an IFB who gives the true Gospel of Jesus Christ to ALL patients in ICU, whether they be conscious or not. He wins souls weekly and knows brethren in other hospitals who do the same. It is possible someone else gave her the Gospel and she believed, you will know for sure one day, but either way, you cannot blame yourself for that, if anything, use it to motivate you to give others the Gospel. 

Soulwinning is the best feeling in the world, next to knowing God. There's videos of people getting saved through soulwinning on youtube, you should watch some to help you get through the rough patches in life, and to improve your soulwinning when you do go.

I've only been soulwinning for about 5 years now, but one thing I've learned is that close family members can oftentimes be the most challenging to get saved, so you're definitely not alone, and they may require patience on your part.

I think it's great that you want to go soul-winning....the fact that you want others to be saved too is strong evidence that you are saved.  And when you're saved, you KNOW it.

Swath is right...you should find a soulwinning, IFB church because you need fellowship personally, and the Bible says we are not to forsake the assembling of saints.

There's a good site for finding an IFB church.....google the words " military get saved" (I have no idea why it's called that) and a site will pop up. Once you find the site, Search the words "soul winning" in the site's search box and there will be a list of IFB churches that go soulwinning. You should be able to locate one near you.

If you need to talk or vent, let me know.

And remember to read your KJB daily and pray.






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I have an Uncle who passed away as a Roman Catholic. He was living a very great distance from me and I had no means to go see him. When he was nearing death I drafted a letter to him explaining God's simple plan of salvation. I addressed the envelope  and attached the stamp but never had peace about sending it. I carried that letter for many years, in my Bible, finally I got rid of it. 

Praise God for His forgiveness, praise Jesus Christ for His gift of salvation to me. Praise God that He allows us to pass by trials and go on to great service for His glory. Its now some 30 years later. Every opportunity to share the truth of Jesus Christ with family I take it. I think God used this incident in my life to embolden me to share the Gospel with other family. God isn't finished with me yet and He has work for me to do.

In the case of my Uncle, I wasn't prepared. I was and am saved, no doubt, but there was something preventing me. I had no enduement of power from the Holy Spirit for this particular task. You know how Paul, in Acts 16:6-9 , was prevented from going into Asia by the Holy Spirit, but was sent into Europe instead. Because of this, the Gospel traveled into Europe and across the ocean to you and I. Paul, as prepared as He was by our Lord Jesus Christ; would have failed to spread the Gospel without the Holy Spirit. 

I don't know that you weren't totally prepared. I don't know that you were prevented by the Holy Spirit. I do know that God loves you and has something specially prepared for you when you are ready. God knows when we are ready. 


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15 hours ago, C1769 said:

Im ok

Thank you. I truly appreciate it. ;)

Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11-13        For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you

And ye shall seek me, and find [me], when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Psalms 34:4 - I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

Above are some verses of encouragement.  I keep lists of them in my purse, my car, my bathroom mirror, etc., to remind myself of God's love & that He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us.

It is understandable that  you are mourning your grandmother's passing. It is healthy to grieve. That is how one heals.

But please STOP blaming yourself.

It is NOT your fault.

Remember, every child is a blessing FROM God to the mother & father. Do not destroy their blessing. You do not have the right to. I pray that the Holy Spirit reveals that to you.

Have you had the chance to check out a church near you?




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Hello C1769,

I've been around many friends who have pondered suicide due to events in their life they considered unbearable, and suicide was the only viable option to them. I've personally also been in their shoes in the past. I lost almost everything I had. I lost friends and family members to the enemy, became permanently disabled from a fall from a 4 story building, turned to drugs, lost my job, and became homeless. It is the devil who wants to take us on a guilt trip. He uses this and other tactics to lead us further down a downward spiral in which only God is able to deliver us from. There are literally dark, demonic entities present who usually tempt the suicidal person to take their life moments before death. I've seen this time and again during the years when I was lost. Know that God can take what we consider evil and terrible, and turn it to good, and use it for God's plan for our lives.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Clear your mind and meditate on God's Word.

I prayed over this regarding you, and the Spirit of God has told me that you believing that you have failed your family or God in the past will make you a mighty witness and testimony for our Lord, and that many will be converted as a result of your witness. 


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