May 2008
I would rather not share the whole experience, but I wanted to share just how stupid even I am when it comes to direction. You know, sometimes even the smallest of decisions can affect us is such amazingly great ways, and I knew that this tiny little decision would probably grow into something of great proportions which I didn't want. Basically I prayed and prayed, "What do I do, Lord?"
Anyway, I started to ask God questions, and then I tried to put the whole question and decision behind me. Oh it kept coming back didn't it! Then I started to think, "Hey, maybe this is a direction?" Then I started to pursue the direction with all my heart.
It's funny... I didn't ask any more questions, but thought that this was something that I had to do, as though my life depended on it and that for now it was life's only objective. (??) It is funny because while these things are going through my mind, I don't see them, but when I look back, everything is crystal clear!
That's when I noticed that I seemed to be walking through a closed door. I had two options, and neither worked. Then I got frustrated. I can see a pattern, and it's not characteristic of a pattern that we see when God is behind it. It is amusing because I didn't see it at the time.
Anyway, I stopped and wondered where all my peace went! Why did my conscience seem heavy and pulling me back? It was like waking out of a sleep. That door wasn't open!!! That was not a direction!
Anyway, after praying about it for a while I am happy to say that God is careful not to leave doors open by accident. This tiny little decision could have been a bit disastrous, but my intentions were not entirely selfish (I was in fact looking as shortcuts
) and God didn't really give me that option after I thought that it was an option. the doors were shut--I have peace knowing this, and the question whether I should or shouldn't is gone. I am 100% sure that God does certainly keep doors closed. Praise God for His guiding hand!